Mastercrash: No Dress Rehearsals Here - Day 59

Clearly, when I said that I would spend this week reflecting on the past year, I summoned the ghosts of intellectual past, present, and somewhere out in the abyss. From Seneca to Ze Frank to Deepak Chopra, I've heard a wealth of mindblowing thoughts in the past 24 hours alone. Good Christ. 

Just some tidbittery: 

• No one knows how/why we think. Period. No one. There is no scientific justification for the fact that we form thoughts, and words. That's a rough translation of what I heard, but that is what stood out to me. If you want the real quote, it's somewhere in this interview: 

• There's a definitive pain, or itchiness, as Ze Frank puts it, around being alone. It's not the fact that there's no other person here. It's the inability to just sit with it. Still. Silent. He says it better:

• Listening to this: 

I have no way to put into words the reasons why this affects me so much ... but nearly every time I hear it, it makes the eyeball spaces very moist. And I cannot ever see this painting without hearing the above song: 

Source

I am crushed to learn that the first website where I ever really got to see countless works of art like this, and formed a true love for it, is gone. It was called ArtMagick. It was a phenomenal site. I'm sad that it no longer exists, yet how can I be shocked, when I don't remember the last time I visited? 

If you ever have the chance to see a Waterhouse painting in person, I totally URGE you to go see it. It is lifechanging to stand next to the paintings of the past. I have not yet gotten to see any of his works in person, but when I do ... Sigh ... If it's this one, if we ever get to London, and it's still there in London, I think my world will be nearly complete. 

Anywhoooooooo, back to the revelations of the past few days, the biggest surrounds time. All these minutes of all these days that I waste, I need to stop. I don't pretend that it will be an easy feat, but I do know that I'm more aware than ever of the times when I could be doing something better, and I'm aware of how I let my own fear, and lack of motivation hold me back. 

I'm tired of watching other people DO the things I want to do. I want to be the one DOING them. The only way to accomplish that is to BE the one DOING them. There's no past. There really is no guaranteed future. There is only every second as we live it. That's all we have. 

Day 59 Progress

Weight: 206.6

What I et: 

- Nearly two Morning Coffees 

- The rest of the leftover prime rib. I was sad to see it go. 

- The rest of the Factor Indian Butter Chicken 

- A fucking Reese's Peanut Butter Football 

- A Diet Dr. Pepper 

(See why I say I have to stop wasting my time?) 

- Factor Green Chile Chicken (I didn't even take a picture) with Spanish cauli-rice. I added a bit o' sour cream.