What an odd day it was. Very mellow. Very uninspired to do much of anything. The cold (-7F), and the wind were incessant, all day long. The internet was sucky, at best - like dial-up, only slower. Could be my aging PC, too, but we'll go with internet connection. It's still struggling as I write this the next morning.
Most of the day was spent without energy to do much of anything. I did work things. I answered emails. I also couldn't take the slothiness of the internet, so I took a somewhat long nap. Some days, I just like the go juice to get up and go. I have found that once I do have the urge to do something, I have to go with it, and let momentum take over, otherwise, I accomplish much of nothing.
We watched a lot of The Great British Baking Show - because cake, and patisserie, and the like ... If I can eat visually, and I know I am not a baker, so I won't be making those things here, it's all good.
I ran across an old musical love over which I used to obsess ... This song, in particular, just amazing. It takes me somewhere else. I love the use of the old instruments to achieve the old sounds, and her voice.
What is heartbreaking is that all of us, even her, are getting older. I don't tend to follow a lot of things from my past, and therefore, spend much of my time in denial about the travel of time and its effects on our beings. I spend a lot of time wavering back and forth about whether I'm just old, or if I'm still me, some 30 years ago.
It's what the younger crowd doesn't understand, which is fully understandable, since I don't think any of us understood it when we were their age. It's just the way it is - you can only relate to where you're at in your own excursions. Everything outside seems distant, and unfathomable. Then, when you get here, you still can't fathom it because your mind is still stuck back there.
Much like the song says, the old ways are lost ... I have to, at some point, let go of who I was, and be who I am now. I actually like who I am now a lot more than I cared for who I was back then. Now, I am strong. Now, I am not constantly searching for the approval of anyone else. Now, I know that I deserve to treat myself much better, and do things that bring me joy, instead of always sitting on the back burner, waiting.
Maybe this will be the year (2023) when I let go of all of the pieces from then, the things that hold me back.
Meanwhile, back at the 12-week-year thing, only 36 days left. I'm proud of myself for sticking with it for this long, and I know I will make it the rest of the 36 days. My thoughts about a 12-week year? For me, with a limited attention span, maybe a 30-day year would be better, or a 12-day year? That might be cutting it too close, but still. 12 weeks is like an eternity in my brain. It's enough time for me to go off the rails, even though it's still a more concentrated chunk.
However, I think it holds value, the 12 weeks, because it gives a point of focus, and end game. Without it, I would be free to fuck up liberally with no reason to justify ... I suppose it's more about knowing what you want, and then doing what it takes to get there. It's about testing yourself to see what you're really made of. 12 weeks is a lot more lenient than 12 days, or 12 hours.
I am kind of rambling incessantly, and it's annoying. All I know is that Christmas is knocking at the door, and I've got shit to do, and therefore, off I will go to get it done, eventually, today.
Happy, happy. Joy. Joy.
Day 54 Progress
Weight: 204.8
What I et:
- Morning coffees (1.5)
- A pizza-like chaffle with a side of Rao's pizza sauce
- Dill-pickle almonds (sporadically throughout the day and evening)
- The last of the keto-friendly PB cups (2)
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Half a NY strip steak with some dump-ranch dressing
- Maybe 1/4 cup of scalloped potatoes (because yes)
No comments:
Post a Comment