I Don't Know

 After climbing out of a particularly deep, dark hole, I have come to this realization. I know nothing.

 Absolutely nothing. 

I don't know why I am here. 

I don't know why I am not here. 

I don't know what I thought I knew. 

I don't know what I don't know. 

I don't know what's truth. 

I don't know what's a lie. 

I don't know what I want. 

I don't know why I want what I do think I want. 

I don't know what's real. 

I don't know what's fake. 

Given this plethora of unknowing, I am left with a certain sense of freedom. 

Fuqitol, if you will. 

Apparently, this life is one big basket of playing it by ear, or whatever the expression is. 

Wing it. 

Fake it til I make it. 

I don't even know why I am not writing in complete paragraphs. 

Just seemed like the thing to do at the moment. 

I don't know if there's a divine being. 

If there is a divine being, who made THAT divine being? 

I feel like I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of The Matrix and Inception. 

Blue pill. Red pill. Dream. Reality. 

What is it? 

In this current reality, right here where I sit, with this newfound free-spiritedness, this is what I NOW know: 

I'm done with expectations. 

I am erasing whatever preconceived notions I had about much of what has come before. 

If reality is like one percent fact, and 99 percent our perception of it, then I can make this life be whatever I want to be, right? 

Shit will happen. 

Things will begin. 

Things will end. 

I don't need to know if you're telling the truth in order for me to listen to how I feel deep inside. If you choose to lie, that's on you. 

I may not know why I am here, but I also do not know why I am NOT here, therefore, I guess that adds up to I'm here for some reason yet unbeknownst to me. 

I have to move forward. 

I have to rebuild what's left of my brain and my heart. 

I'm done with how I have felt over the past few weeks. 

I'm done allowing anyone else to determine how I feel about myself. 

I'm not everyone's cup of [insert beverage of choice here]. 

I am me. 

The only person I am changing for is me. 

I'm not waiting around to be loved, appreciated, or even noticed. 

Come with me, or don't. That's up to you. 

I don't know what's next, but I do know I'm about to find out.