Vision, Clarity, and the Cost of Being Tired

 

One sunset

Let me tell you how glorious it is to sit on the back patio, watch the sky turn from night to morning, and listen to the city wake up. The price? I will probably require a nap later today. But then, napping tends to keep this vicious sleep/no-sleep cycle steadfastly in motion. 

I'm telling you, I must get this sleep thing in order. It's bordering on driving me batshit. Ever since we got here, I don't think I've slept past 5:30AM more than a handful of times. I'm typically up between 3:30 and 4:00 am, no matter what time I went to sleep, which has also been exponentially earlier than when in Ohellio. 

I don't know why it is. New place? I never sleep good in strange places, but this is a new level of strange place because this place is permanent, not a hotel. Our house is fairly soundproof. Seriously, even during the weekend of the 4th, the popping of the fireworks in the area was very muted for the most part. We don't live on or near the busiest streets, so you also don't hear a lot of car traffic, unless they suffer from lack of muffler, or other car-type ailment. 

I just don't know what to do. I've tried gummies, which help me sleep just fine, but then I wake up stoned AF. THAT, I do not enjoy. Maybe I go to half or a quarter and see if that helps? I can't take melatonin. It gives me a tremendous burning headache, at least in drops/tincture format. Maybe a melatonin gummy? The same people that make the mushroom coffee we've been ingesting also make a nighttime varietal (Hot Chocolate), but I just don't want to be dependent upon any one substance to get me to sleep and stay asleep like a normal human. 

At the ripe young age of 57 years and some days, I am very proud of the fact that I take ZERO pharmaceuticals, ZERO. That might be a lie. I do take the occasional Mobic (anti-inflammatory) if my bones are aching badly (hips, back or legs), but since keto, inflammation lowers exponentially, and I'm good with the occasional acetaminophen. 

I fully realize that time, stupid decisions, and age will get to me eventually, but for now, I think I'm holding most of it at bay. 

Vision, however, is another story. I currently own two pairs of prescription computer eyeglasses, and some contacts. Last time I went to the eye doctor, for whatever reason, my vision had IMPROVED. Yes. Improved, and that wasn't even during keto. I haven't had the same prescription in both eyes in decades, if ever, but at that visit, I graduated to having the same vision in both eyes. Go me, and whatever the hell I was doing that caused that to happen! 

I probably mentioned it last year, but if not, last year, I had a UTI, so my doctor put me on a very strong antibiotic, one for which I can no longer remember the name. Whilst it cured the UTI, it made me so very sick, weak, and unable to ingest or store food that I lost nearly 20 pounds in the course of three or four weeks. It was insane, and NOT the way I would ever recommend to lose weight. 

Maybe that concoction had something to do with the vision improvement? I don't know. I also know that keto helped improve my vision, as well. When I first did keto, I thought my eyesight was getting worse because it was getting harder and harder to see out of my then current prescription. ON a whim one day, I put on very old pair of glasses, and discovered I could see perfectly out of them. WTF? 

That didn't last, as keto didn't last, however, so that was that. 

Anywhoo, I think I am in line for an eye exam, and some new glasses and contacts. 

Feel like I'm babbling. 

And then there was clarity. So, as mentioned, I have been trying out the Ryze mushroom coffee stuff for probably two weeks now, or a little more. And at this juncture, I think it would probably be best if I just LET IT GO. I can't really name one true benefit of ingesting it, and, truth be told, there may be some negatives. 

I am sensitive, especially to foods and substances that alter my moods. At first, it seemed to mellow me out and lower my blood pressure in the face of stressful events. Maybe. Now, I feel nothing. I mean literally, I have no feels. I get the occasional period of riled-upness, but other than that, just blah. Like slow-blink blah ... 

If you know me, you know I am not now, nor will I ever be reaching Zen. I have no penchant for Buddhism. I'd rather feel things, even shitty things, than to be zombified. I've been down Antidepressant Trail, and it is NOT a road I will ever go down again. Fuck that. 

So, if this fungally-infused concoction is trying to nudge me down a similar path, I say nope. 

Because along with the lowered blood pressure and lack of emoting comes the lack to fucks to get anything done. Motivation=Zilch. 

There is no thought. No ideas. No creativity. No nothing. Just a void here between my ears. That has to go. 

So, yeah. 

That's about all I've got for this session, but I've got more thoughts that I need to write separately, so you read this, and I'll write that, and we'll all have fun together. 

Woot. 

A fork in the road ...