So, I saw this kid doing a beatbox rendition of Seven Nation Army the other day, so now the actual song has been on loop, or not even the whole song, but the opening bars ...
I can't begin to tell you why I like Jack White so much, but I do. I wouldn't say I LOVE him, but I dig his style, and some of his works.
Such as this one:
You can't really go wrong with John C. Reilly. Plus, I just like the style of the song.
ANYWHOOOOO, so, in the style of a White Stripe, I titled today's entry because it feels like I am stagnating, and I need to get around, through, and past it already.
I should NOT be feeling like this HERE. HERE was supposed to be the Magical Land of All Problems Solved.
I fully realize that location doesn't matter because you have to bloom where you're planted, but it just makes it harder when I know I am where I want to be, and yet my feelings are off kilter by a LOT.
And since I have eliminated sugar from my world, I know that's not causing this downward mental trend. As mentioned in my previous post, I suspect the shroom coffee is contributing. Lest anyone confuse my current state of mind with me just trying to make everything about myself, rest assured, I am not.
I am not the same as anyone else. THIS is something I have dealt with for the majority of my life. It has come and gone more times than I can count. It's usually (at least in the last decade or so) been instigated by weather (shitty winters) or food (shitty foods). Genetics may have made me "prone" to experience depression, but I fully realize that other things play a much bigger part.
Regardless of cause, I hate it. I do not want to feel this way, and therefore, the only way to beat it is to attack it head on.
I can't allow it to take over. I will not.
Solutions? I've got a few.
Exercise:
We looked at a local Anytime Fitness yesterday, and it seems like it would be a good option. It's small, it's less than 8 minutes from the house, and fairly mellow, at least at the time we are looking to visit it. Works for me. Probably will sign up for a free week just to get inside and really get a feel for things.
Walking is a viable morning option, and during winter, probably an all-day option. Thus far, I've been a bit too chicken shit of going on my own, due to random javelina and coyote occupants, but I have to get over myself. Since I am awake ungodly early, there's no reason I can't put on my boogie shoes, skeedaddle out the door, and walk about the neighborhood. I have pepper spray and an air horn. I have eyes. I can do this.
Intake:
Eliminate the mushroom cloud. I am starting to think things will turn around pretty quickly once I stop using the Ryze. If it helps you, good for you. It is not helping me. I think it's holding me down, to be frank, and that is not a feeling with which I am comfortable.
Take the B12 and Vitamin D REGULARLY. I get the Vit. D daily in my coffee, but if I don't drink the whole cup, then I'm not getting a full dose. Also, need to get out and sit in the sun for a few more minutes during the day, before it turns hellish.
Mind Work:
Need to stop believing that the mirror is the be-all-end-all when it comes to my value as a human. It's not. It's just not everything, and since it's me that lets ME believe that it means more than it does, it's ME that has to change that way of thinking.
Same with the scale. Just a number. It changes hourly. (Ask me how I know) ... Fuck it.
Currently, I feel foggy.
I need more. I need to feel again. I need to get out and live.
This I will do.
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