I don't remember if I took the actual picture in 2014, but it hit me seeing the glimpse of light amidst the snowy, cloudy winter sky. It's not often I capture something that looks exactly as I saw it, but this was one of them.
I have a whole archive of wintry pictures, complete with snow drifts and such, so that when we no longer have what we used to know as winter, I can prove that we did actually have it here in Ohellio. Yesterday was somewhat of a reprieve from the grays and yellows and blah that has become the new norm. There was sunshine, and much warmer (still cold) air.
Meanwhile, I'd like to thank my friend Cindy for putting this on loop in my brain cell now for two days:
That is a voice. I don't know what else to say about it. I listened to that album many times in my younger years. She brought a lot of calm to my brain in the midst of the fury that was my brain back then.
The words of that song still ring true, whether literal or figurative:
"We gotta make a decision. Leave tonight or live and die this way ..."
Either way, it's a choice we all make, right?
Yesterday was not a bad day overall, but damn, that work was a bit stressful for a while. Overwhelming, really. Just felt like being bombarded from all angles. Started out great, and just progressively went downhill from there.
Some background: We got a new mattress. It felt fine in the store, but I don't think we were fully prepared for the unforgiving rigidity that comes with getting an extra-firm sleeping platform. This thing has ZERO give. Granted, it's a TOUCH softer than lying on the tile floor, but not much. I haven't attempted this experiment for fear of bodily injury, but I'm thinking if you plopped down on it, you'd bounce right off the other side.
I think we've got a month in which we can exchange it but my brain says, "Oh, we just have to get used to it." However, neither of us is sleeping all that splendidly. I'm back to waking up in the 4:00 am hour, and then spending all day every day consuming too much caffeine and just feeling blah. I ordered a mattress topper, which is supposed to arrive today, so hopefully, it will provide just enough comfort so that we don't have to go through the hassle of returns, etc. I do not relish that particular thought at all. Yuck.
Meanwhile, I've taken to watching Zentangle videos. There is some powerful meditative energy in this artform, and I need to get back to it. I was fascinated by this one:
Just absolutely mesmerizing and gloriously detailed. How one starts with a blank page and ends with this is beyond my comprehension. I'm typically also not that into circular items, but mandalas are the exception.
In the world of dietary or culinary pursuits, we dared to try a version of this:
But NOT that precise version because neither of us could fathom eating THAT MUCH burger plus excess tortilla-age. What ended up happening was a very, very sloppy version of a quesadilla. We used low-carb tortillas (probably the first mistake, because chemicals and what have you) and the only American cheese I had was Borden's, and I am here to tell you, Kraft Singles, it is NOT! The Big Mac sauce was spot on, though, so that's a bonus.
Regardless, I ended up eating probably a little over 1/3 of mine before I just had to stop. I felt ill. Something has definitely changed in me. I just can't with the junk, even if it's "keto." I can't. I do not comprehend how someone could eat a whole one of those things shown in her video. My appetite and digestive capabilities have really changed in the past few months. I am NOT complaining either. It makes me happy that my brain will mostly prevent me from making stupid food choices, at least for now.
Regardless of what the internets tell you, if you do keto, you do NOT need a magical metric fuckton of keto-friendly replacements for the shite you used to eat. You just don't. You don't need a stockpile of cheeses, or heavy cream, or "sugar-free" alternatives. You do NOT (I REPEAT) DO NOT NEED fat bombs. You do NOT need MCT oils or those ketone supplements. You need (as if I know) a few weeks of concerted effort to give your body and brain time to adapt. You need some proteins (not a lot though), some fats (by way of avocado or olive oils or butter), some pink salt, and the occasional vegetation.
Am I perfect at it? Absolutely not. Am I losing a fuckton of weight? Also absolutely not, but I can say that I'm down at least seven pounds since leaving Arizona, and I still have not worked out. My blood sugar has mostly been in the very low 100s, which is delightful, and I have not had heavy cream in my coffee or anything else since January 11. Could I do better? FUCK to the YES. Will I do better? Also, yes. I'm just not the same as I used to be. I'm not obsessing over every little thing. I obsess over the scale too much, but that's more habit than necessity, and I do not spend any amount of time beating myself up if it doesn't show a downward trend.
I really have no idea what I'm talking about at this point. Just kind of rambling before I get my day started. I think I'll gather up all my supplies and start drawing again. The excuse of no time is bullshit. I have the time. I just haven't made it happen, but I definitely will change that. At some point ... 😂🤣😗😀
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