You can't measure what you don't manage, right?
Day Whatever of the Ryze Mushroom Experiment, and I have to say it must be doing SOMETHING to my brain because given the topic of yesterday's mindfuck, I really didn't spend as much time overthinking it as I would have previously. Weird.
When I started my job it was because I wanted to. When I stayed at my job, it was because I wanted to. When I went above and beyond for my job, it was also because I wanted to. I never had a job like this, where people listened, and gave a shit about what I thought.
Years have passed. People have changed, and every day, it seems more and more like just a "job." The communication is gone. Clusterfuckiness is at a nearly all-time high, and most days, I have been kind of just going through some motions because it feels like my input isn't wanted or required anymore.
Maybe I'm just being precious and whiny. Who knows? But the dreams took a backseat to bullshit, and now I'm just not sure how I feel.
It doesn't do one bit of good to talk about it, however, so I shall just move on.
The actual saying goes "You can't manage what you don't measure." So I guess I am not managing much at the moment. Still no tape measure readings. Still can't find the old records. All I have are past pictures, and memories.
I think my lowest weigh in during the first round of keto was 169. Then things elsewhere took a shit, and I gave up.
I do have to say there is a noticeable difference in meat quality here, especially the beeves. I don't quite know what it is yet, but maybe it's the dietary intake of the local mass herds of cattle. No real access to grass or hay, so I'm not sure what is being fed to them, but it doesn't result in a terrific outcome. Or maybe it's just the cheapest cuts from wherever else, and it's just shit.
I think we'll be sticking with mostly chicken and turkey. Those things are universally pretty much the same. Plus, we had cut way back on the red meat well before moving, so it's not a huge loss.
We had built up some dream ideal that the food here (in the restaurants) was going to be phenomenal. So far, it's been just like home, or worse. Maybe it's just us adjusting. Maybe it's being to sentimental about what used to be. Maybe it's the altitude. Who the hell knows. All I know is, as I mentioned to my Beloved, I think it's this way to show us that we can eat better at home, and eat healthier.
I was also SO excited to get to go to new stores that I had only heard about on mostly fictional YouTube channels, etc. (Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, etc.) because they're all just within a few miles or less, and thus far, we've been happiest with the Walmart Neighborhood Market that's just up the street. I mean, no, they don't have EVERYTHING we usually get, but enough to survive on.
Anything else, I can get via Amazon, or Whole Foods delivery, then I don't have to fuck around with stupid shit. Fry's here is the equivalent (and a part of) Kroger there. Same ultra-high prices, same shitty store atmosphere. The only thing I get from there is the Chocolate Raspberry Torte coffee.
That's all materialistic bullshit, though, and completely irrelevant to living a happy life. The fact that I can sit at my desk, look out the window, and see this:
Is EVERYTHING. It still doesn't feel quite real, and like it will go away at any second, but it's not because we LIVE here and it is perfect.
The air, the sunshine, the sunsets, and even the storms here just can't be beat.
I've been in a fairly shittastic mood since the big change at work. Totally has tanked my motivation or urge to spend any fucks. I don't like feeling this way. So, in order to get past it, just gotta move through it, take it for what it is, explore my options, and make the most of it all.
There is not enough life left for me to spend all my energy focusing and being pissed at things I cannot control. I'll save my rage for things that actually matter.
Meanwhile, back at the Keto Ranch, weight is hovering around 192.5 to 193.
Peetones still in full to moderate force (pink to dark purple/pink:
And the fact that I don't want to snack my life away means I have more time to think about what I really want to do.
I feel like I'm running out of things to talk about. You know I write this because it's cheaper and more effective than therapy, but I also don't ever talk about EVERYHING out loud. I just need a place where I can say what I think and feel and get it out of my head. Unfortunately, you have to censor yourself, because internets, so I say enough to make ME feel better, and then I move on.
I think that's good for today.
Happy Whatever Day This Is.
:)
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