It was a fairly standard day, until everything changed forever. Not a lot to say here. Seems completely trivial.
Day 60 Progress
Weight: 205
What I et:
- The morning coffee x 2.75
- Factor Pimento Chicken with Spinach and Creamed Zucchini, and a chaffle
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Everything escalated quickly this afternoon and I stopped caring what I ate the rest of the day
30 days to GOAL!!!!!!!!!
Clearly, when I said that I would spend this week reflecting on the past year, I summoned the ghosts of intellectual past, present, and somewhere out in the abyss. From Seneca to Ze Frank to Deepak Chopra, I've heard a wealth of mindblowing thoughts in the past 24 hours alone. Good Christ.
Just some tidbittery:
I got a new fasting app (well, I have used it before, but not successfully). I also think my day count is off ... But this whole 12 weeks = three months = 90 days math has totally screwed with my brain cell. All I know is that I am calling January 30 the end of the first 12 weeks. Que sera, pollo loco! (I should probably google that to make sure it doesn't say something untoward!)
Anywhoooooooo, it's called Simple. I got a fairly good deal on it for, ironically, 12 weeks. Go figure. We'll see. I used it last night, so my first "fasting" window started at (I'll call it) 7pm. I am not a religious faster. I am a me faster, meaning I call fasting me NOT EATING anything. I don't count the heavy cream in my coffee, or the hibiscus (Jamaica) lime juice, and stevia in my water as FOODs.
Also, just for shits and giggles, I tested my blood sugar Monday. This was the result:
The Day-After-Christmas Hangover has begun. In other news, the one benefit of eating carbage, and sugar-poison? I slept like a rock!
So, the eating began earlier in the morning ... Because of the carbs the night before. It's kind of screwy how quickly it affects your ability to "fast." I was hungry by 8:30 am, and so the snacky behavior began. I am fairly certain the only thing I did NOT partake of, at my brother's home, was the pumpkin pie, and the Deviled eggs.
Had I eaten ONLY the Deviled eggs, and the prime rib, I would have been golden, and still overly satisfied, but I did not. Shit happens.
The results of carbage consumption:
Weight: 206.8
Damage is done, might as well roll with it, right?
It's been an excellent Christmas. Very low key. We don't even decorate ... How dare we, I know! Why pretend? Why waste precious time putting up and taking down things, especially when we know how we feel, and there are not a lot of (read: zero) people who come here. That's not whining, that's just fact. I am not a person who "puts on airs," or pretends to be someone I'm not just to fit in. I'm quite content NOT fitting in. No, I don't put myself out there on the regular, but I have put myself out there when it felt right, and it has paid off.
I believe we meet people at the right time and for the right reasons, and if it's meant to work out, it will. It took me many decades to figure that out. You can't force anything. That equals resistance, and as (Picard) said:
Back to forcing - it has zero value. If people want to interact, relate, and spend time with you, they will. I cannot speak for anyone else. I cannot predict what anyone else wants. I can't read minds. (My Beloved might disagree, but ...)
You just have to stay open to the 'come what mays' of the world. If you walk around with a defined, and detailed list of who people should be in order to meet up to your standards, you're wasting a lot of value. That does NOT mean that you have to put up with, tolerate, or accept willingly any amount of mistreatment, disrespect, or bullshit. You have to know your limits, and you have to know when the plugs need to be dislodged from the outlets.
Being that this is the start of the last week of the year, I should probably do some pontification, meditation, and reflection on the events of 2022, and also consider how I want the coming year to play out. I love this time - the time of planning, and the time of new beginnings, just like I love a completely untouched, brand-new, college-ruled Mead 5-Star 9 1/2" x 7 1/4 notebooks. The potential is unlimited.
All that being written, it was a good day, in spite of the choices I made food wise. It was Christmas. We had a good time. End of discussion.
Day 56 Progress
It's Christmas. Let's be realistic, shall we?
There will be carbs. There will be sugar.
34 Days to Goal
So, it was brought to my attention today, whilst listening to this:
What an odd day it was. Very mellow. Very uninspired to do much of anything. The cold (-7F), and the wind were incessant, all day long. The internet was sucky, at best - like dial-up, only slower. Could be my aging PC, too, but we'll go with internet connection. It's still struggling as I write this the next morning.
Most of the day was spent without energy to do much of anything. I did work things. I answered emails. I also couldn't take the slothiness of the internet, so I took a somewhat long nap. Some days, I just like the go juice to get up and go. I have found that once I do have the urge to do something, I have to go with it, and let momentum take over, otherwise, I accomplish much of nothing.
We watched a lot of The Great British Baking Show - because cake, and patisserie, and the like ... If I can eat visually, and I know I am not a baker, so I won't be making those things here, it's all good.
I ran across an old musical love over which I used to obsess ... This song, in particular, just amazing. It takes me somewhere else. I love the use of the old instruments to achieve the old sounds, and her voice.
Day 54 Progress
Weight: 204.8
What I et:
- Morning coffees (1.5)
- A pizza-like chaffle with a side of Rao's pizza sauce
- Dill-pickle almonds (sporadically throughout the day and evening)
- The last of the keto-friendly PB cups (2)
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Half a NY strip steak with some dump-ranch dressing
- Maybe 1/4 cup of scalloped potatoes (because yes)
- Pork rinds and chip dip
36 Days to Goal!
When the stars align, you get a Sun card ... There wasn't a thing in the reading that did not relate, or that I disagreed with.
I'm saving it here because I couldn't get the link to work.
Finance
The Sun is a positive sign indicating improvements in the realm of finance ... Financial well-being could be just around the corner for you as long as your stay positive when things don't go your way. There are many lenders available if you are looking to finance a new home or a new car and in some cases, it might be smart to get hire an accountant to help with the management of all that money. Another way to finance your life and projects could be by investing in the stock market.
Day 53 Progress
Weight: 205.2
What I et:
- The morning coffee(s) 1.5-ish
- Some pepperoni slices
- Some Dill-Pickle almonds
- A keto-friendly PB cup ... I had several PB cups. Because I could.
- A bit of pork sauteed in butter, with sour cream. Not much. I wasn't in the mood.
- Some pork rinds and chip dip, keeping with the pork theme sporadically throughout the day
- A horrible recipe from NYT which indicated to add a magical metric F-ton of lemon, by way of juice, and zest, which made it fairly unbearable to consume. No amount of garlic, shallots, thyme, butter, or chicken broth cut that lemon. Nope. I ate about 1/3 of it. I could not ...
37 Days to Goal!
"Things will be thrown at you and things will hit you. Life’s no soft affair.” ~Seneca
So, I encountered this whole "movement" recently that I had no clue existed - Stoicism. I don't know why YouTube machines decided it would fit in my current algorithms, but it did. Sometimes, you just get the words you need to hear in a given moment, and I think this pretty much fits the bill.
In a world full of "love yourself; give yourself grace; blah-blah-blahbity-blah," this is more of a "Get your collecting shibbitz together and do something." It's not for the victim; rather, it's for the one who needs to stop being a victim and start living. At least that's my first-ish impression.
I think the quote that got me right in the feels was this:
“The fool, with all his other faults, has this also, he is always getting ready to live.”Which is from Moral Letters to Lucilius - Sêneca. Loosely translated, "Shit, or get off the pot ..."
I am 10,000-percent guilty of this very thing. Hence, I have a closet full of assorted yarn and other creative endeavors, a wish list a mile long on Pinterest, a Google Keep board FULL of ideas, and always with the mental plans to crush the bad habits.
I didn't want to be that person, even before I read that quote, which is why I write this nearly every day. Wouldn't matter if nobody ever read it; doesn't matter that Google won't display ads (probably because of my affinity for swear words. It keeps me present. It keeps me focused. I will hazard a guess that it is what helps me stay on track for the most part. It keeps me accountable, not to anyone else, but to me. It's always in my face.
In the spirit of not getting ready, but actually doing something, I bought myself a Christmas present ...
I don't know what came over me yesterday, with the cookies and such, but I'm back on the wagon today. Well, I was. Clearly, it's a struggle for me to go to the local store and not tempt fate. Whatever. It was mainly just a heads-down-work kind of day. Not much else to talk about.
I haven't felt any real detriment from the sugar consumption. I think it takes more than one incident on one day.
Today was spent burning it off by chasing a mouse. Yes, me. The cat is fired.
The horrific image quality is a feature of zooming in to make sure what I was seeing. Without the flash, he just looked like a little round ball, what I thought was a cat toy. I just had a feeling. It didn't start out like this. The cat had him ... in his mouth. All the way. All you could see was a tail. He caught him in the living room, and then ran through the house and into my office where he then dropped him, and they played ... Wait for it ... a game of Cat and Mouse. Then, said mouse vanished. This picture was taken over an hour later.
Eww.
We got this Mouse Motel ... Supposed to be a no-kill trap. It's good for collections, but not so much the trapping element.
Let him wander. We have coyotes. Maybe they can meet for dinner.
The Beloved and I have decided we need to start meal planning. Every day, we struggle to figure out what to have for dinner, and on weekends, lunchables. I'm going to have to consult my trusty Keto board on Pinterest. There has to be a better way. Especially since the Beloved has decided he also would like to try keto when the holidays are over.
So, yeah, that's about all I have by way of an update. I have something I discovered yesterday, but I'll talk about it tomorrow.
For now, off I go. xo
Day 50 Progress
Weight: 205.6
What I et:
- 1.5 Morning coffees
- One pepperoni
- Scrap of provolone
- Pork roast sauteed in butter and blackening seasoning with some sour cream (trust me, it's good)
- Salad with Cotija cheese, grape tomates, dump-ranch dressing, and some French-fried onions
- Korean Barbecue Pork Rinds
- A BLT with Keto Bread (Brownberry, I think) with mayo and Roma tomato
- A Diet Dr. Pepper
- A Russell Stover Mint Patty
40 Days to GOAL!
Feeling zero compunction to be in a "Festive" type spirit. It's been this way for several years now. It's just different. I think, actually, it's been many years since we actually felt about Christmas like we used to feel. A lot of things changed. Kids grew up, moved out. My mother-in-law passed away. Family gatherings stopped happening. Just a lot of things whittled away at the feeling.
I realize that we are just as responsible for the lack of feeling because we really don't do anything by way of decorating, or the like. Just seems like a whole lot of effort for zero payoff since neither of us are much in the mood for what others thrive upon, this time of year. I know we're most likely not alone, but I feel like we are at the complete opposite end of the spectrum from a lot of people. Even in Seattle, I did not notice a plethora of lights and decorations. I don't know if that means there was NOT a wealth of holiday cheer, or if I just simply did not notice it.
Just weird.
That being said, I also suck at gift giving. We mainly only get gifts for each other, with a few things here and there for other family, but not anything overboard. We have had years where we went completely off the deep end, and other years where there wasn't a lot of anything. It's just not something I am good at.
What I am good at:
Weight: 205.4
What I et:
- The Morning Coffee
Dot's Original Flavor pretzels
- Cherry Coke Zero Sugar
- Keto-breaded chicken and salad with Cotija cheese, grape tomatoes, dump Ranch dressing, and a few French-fried onions
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Two Christmas cookies
- Pork rinds, and chip dip
- Two more cookies
41 Days to Goal!
From the restaurant of the hotel in Seattle
What a weird day. I did nothing, other than go to the store and come back home. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well, I did make a fresh batch of Jamaica for my water, cleaned the bottle, and the like, but other than that, nothing. The store just sets me into a pissesque mood. I don't know why. It wasn't even necessarily busy. No stress. No excuse. Just how I came home, and for that I am sorry to my Beloved.
I'm getting closer and closer to a very short haircut. However, now that I say that, I feel like I'm regaining some hair, so who knows? It's just so thin, the hair. Irony. The carbs, and garbage, and the diabeetus don't lend to a full and flowing mane of locks. Almost two months of keto, though, helps encourage new wispies.
We'll see. Maybe this:
Day 48 Progress
Weight: 205.4
What I et:
- The Morning Coffee
- Diet Dr. Pepper (yes, I know ...)
- Salad with romaine, red leaf, spinach, red cabbage and shredded carrots with a bit of Cotija cheese and dump ranch
- A piece of rotisserie chicken (probably 3-4 ounces) with melted butter because fat ...
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Cherry Coke Zero Sugar
- Deconstructed chaffle sammich with leftover rotisserie chicken, sauteed shallots and baby bell pepper with Balsamic glaze (it wasn't the best thing I've ever made. Note to self: JERK Seasoning does NOT belong in chaffles) I ate a bit over half.
- Dot Pretzels - because I was left unattended during the weekly hunt and gather session and I went a little wild at the gas station
42 Days to Goal!
I can't fathom how it's been approximately one week and two hours since I boarded the first flight towards Seattle. We were talking about it last night, my Beloved and I, about how the time doth fly. I have observed that it's not so much the present, and the future arriving too quickly, but it's the fact that as soon as time becomes "the past," it starts to evaporate. That may have been some of the point of Stephen King's The Langoliers ... The past was utterly obliterated right before their eyes. It kind of dissipates as quickly as smoke. (I don't suggest watching any of it now, unless you like pure cheese in your movies, but ...)
Fitting, right?
Fitting, as I sit here and contemplate a new start. Watching the smoke from the last cigarette I have in the house float up and vanish. I've been looking forward to it all morning. From here on out, I will act as if I am in a non-smoking zone, or on a plane, or in a hotel room, where I don't have easy access to do whatever I want. That's it. We'll let the ashes fall where they may.
Time to take the training wheels off, and see where I go.
Day 47 Progress
Weight: 205
What I Et:
- The morning coffee
- A scrap of Muenster cheese
- One pepperoni
- Diet Dr. Pepper
- Part of a Factor Chicken Marsala meal (all but the green beans)
- Two mini chaffles
- Pork rinds and chip dip
- The Afternoon Coffee
- Dinner out at BBQ place
About 75% of one piece of Smoked meatloaf (a horrible choice), half a side salad with ranch, probably a one-inch slice of corn casserole, about four bites of some not-so-stellar mac-n-chee, and half of a cocktail called Darlin' Clementine (gin, Malibu rum, something apple, and a splash of OJ)
43 Days to Goal!
The way to stop overthinking is first to THINK about WHY you are overthinking, very briefly, and then just get on with it. There is a decided difference betwixt overthinking, and giving something serious consideration. When it comes to the bigger decisions in life, you do need to evaluate the data, weigh the pros and cons, and consider your own biases, likes, dislikes, etc. That's all good. It's when you obsess over something, though, and can't let it be, and then work yourself into a furious lather over the most negative aspects of any ANY decision that it turns into OVERTHOUGHT.
That's purely my own observation, taken from a lifetime of doing the OVER varietal, and less time doing the serious ponderance variant.
As you will recall, yesterday, I broached the topic of my really bad habit, the smoking. In the spirit of not overthinking, or talking it to death, I'm talking about it here and now, and then, more than likely, it will be quite a while before I mention it again.
No manner of wishing, hoping, or wanting to end the habit has actually resulted in its disappearance. All the apps, the hypnosis, the books, the drugs, the pills, the patches, vapes, and gum in the world have not triggered my brain to repel the smoke. Don't get me wrong. I do NOT enjoy the aroma. It does stink. I'm fully aware. Fully self conscious. The brain has a great way of helping us live in a state of denial, though, and that part of my brain is FULLY functional.
I won't be reading anything about it, watching videos about other peoples' experiences, trying this, that, or t'other device, supplement, or other ... I will take the same approach I took on Friday. I could NOT have smoked without a great deal of inconvenience, effort, or stress, so I just didn't. I didn't sit on the plane, or at the gates and bemoan my lack of nicotine (or need for it). I just. did. other. things.
I've blown it in the past because I spent too much time talking about the doing of it, and very little time actually trying to do it. Already, I feel like I'm talking too much about it, and I don't wish to talk myself out of it, so I'll hush shortly. Just want to tell you that if you put in your mind a tiny seed of "Maybe I won't smoke this weekend," and keep thinking about THAT, and NOT about the deprivation aspect, it may help.
If you prepare yourself, your mouth, your hands, and your mind beforehand, you will be able to tackle any "cravings" from there, right? Truthfully, the only thing I used during the entire traveling portion of the trip was my gum, and the snacks on the plane. No matter that I had at least two beverages, two packs of gum, and four containers of Ice Breaker mints, and nicotine toothpicks, I didn't touch them. I didn't feel any huge overwhelming need. I don't know why.
If you change what you think about, what you think about will change. I have proven this. I wasn't worried about smoking on the plane. I was worried about the pain that would flare up in my ear upon descent and landing. It's a horrific pain. I wish it on no one. If you hear babies screaming on planes during that part of a flight, try to be a little bit understanding - they too may be experiencing ear issues.
Distraction is key. Acting as if I don't smoke ... Realizing how I can have the same feeling/state of mind here that I had there ... And with that, I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I just want to get it done.
Day 46 Progress
