Much Less Conversation, Much More Action Required - Day 47

I can't fathom how it's been approximately one week and two hours since I boarded the first flight towards Seattle. We were talking about it last night, my Beloved and I, about how the time doth fly. I have observed that it's not so much the present, and the future arriving too quickly, but it's the fact that as soon as time becomes "the past," it starts to evaporate. That may have been some of the point of Stephen King's The Langoliers ... The past was utterly obliterated right before their eyes. It kind of dissipates as quickly as smoke. (I don't suggest watching any of it now, unless you like pure cheese in your movies, but ...) 

Fitting, right? 

Fitting, as I sit here and contemplate a new start. Watching the smoke from the last cigarette I have in the house float up and vanish. I've been looking forward to it all morning. From here on out, I will act as if I am in a non-smoking zone, or on a plane, or in a hotel room, where I don't have easy access to do whatever I want. That's it. We'll let the ashes fall where they may. 

Time to take the training wheels off, and see where I go. 

Pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment ... 

Well, I made it about an hour. What the holy ... ??? I talk a good game, but as the Theys say, I'm all talk, no action. This is the problem. It's a vicious cycle of: 

A. I want to quit

B. I'm going to quit

C. I try to quit

D. I fail

E. I give up

F. I keep doing the addiction

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

All I can do is do my best to NOT beat myself up, try, try, try again, and keep trying until it sticks. 

Other than that, I'm gonna stop bringing it up because it seems to bite me in the backside every time I even THINK about talking about it out loud. All I can do, at this particular moment, is be very grateful that I never got hooked on other substances. 

I'm just in a craptastic mood today. I'll get over it. 

Day 47 Progress

Weight: 205

What I Et: 

- The morning coffee

- A scrap of Muenster cheese

- One pepperoni

- Diet Dr. Pepper

- Part of a Factor Chicken Marsala meal (all but the green beans) 

- Two mini chaffles

- Pork rinds and chip dip

- The Afternoon Coffee 

- Dinner out at BBQ place 

About 75% of one piece of Smoked meatloaf (a horrible choice), half a side salad with ranch, probably a one-inch slice of corn casserole, about four bites of some not-so-stellar mac-n-chee, and half of a cocktail called Darlin' Clementine (gin, Malibu rum, something apple, and a splash of OJ)

 

43 Days to Goal!