The 7 Habits of a Highly Ineffective Me

1. Overthinking 
2. Shutting down 
3. Procrastination 
4. Slothiness 
5. Incompletion 
6. Fear 
7. Not demanding more of myself 

That's just off the top of my head. I'm sure the list is much longer, but probably 85% of it can fit under any of the aforementioned ineffective habits. 

Where is this thought process coming from? I decided to listen to this. I never read the book, but I've heard it quoted too many times to count. It's clearly the foundation for any self-help self-appointed guru walking the face of the Earth at the moment. 

So, let's break it down, shall we? 

Disclaimer: Grab lots of coffee, krullers (if you eat those), or snacks. I feel like writing today.

1. Overthinking. It's how I do. I'm getting better at distraction and stopping it, but not yet immediately. The doing of which leads to the existence of habits 2-7. It's been my modus operandi for as long as I can remember. When emotion was shamed and "taught" out of my daily routine, it all went inward. Did they think I would just never think? Don't answer that. That answer would be yes. 

2. Shutting down. Check. When I get overwhelmed, when I feel like I just cannot move through a problem, after all the overthought, I give up. I shut off. 

Source

Probably another product of the Do Not Emote teachings of my childhood. If I'm not allowed to express how I feel, might as well just shut it down. Unfortunately - for them - that didn't happen until well after I left their direct control. 

3. Procrastination. Skill Level: Master. I never met a task I couldn't put off. I really am improving upon this poorly habit, even while still doing it. I must have mentioned before how much I really like the whole calendar thing, and monitoring what I'm doing during any given day. Maybe this week I'll track just how much time I waste ... If I don't put it off. 

4. Slothiness. The last time I remember having boundless energy, I was probably somewhere between this: 

and this: 

Life events, shitty food choices, and getting older have really drained my urge to move. In my head, I picture it. In my externality, I don't do it. See #3 for why. It's not for lack of being awake, though. I don't sleep for shit. I've always been a short sleeper, always. Up before everyone else, and awake well after they went to bed. Even now, at 54, I still typically only get 5-6 hours on a normal night. The only one who can change my slothicity, though, is me. That's the one blaring flaw I have found with my daily calendaring thing - I schedule the movement, and then I just delete it. Don't ask why because I have no clue. 

5. Incompletion. I lack follow-through. Mostly in personal life, but it does spill over into the work life, as well. My Notion page holds lengthy lists of things that are incomplete or on hold. They're always "Next up ..." until I realize there's something CURRENT that I need to do, and they move back down on the priority list. I have bags, and tubs full of yarn in varying stages of use. Piles of crocheted squares that someday will form a throw ... Boxes of new yarn that I have dedicated to these things that I seemingly won't ever get to. Piles of things that need to go to other places just sit there waiting. I, myself, incomplete. Always a WIP (Work in Progress), but that (me) is the only thing that SHOULD be in that stage. Which leads to the why ... Fear. 

6. Fear. Fear of letting go. Fear of having made the wrong choice. Fear of failure. That particular bark is typically always worse than its bite. In the past, this probably would have been way north on the list, but I have come a long way with regards to this shit-tastic habit. Most of it stems from an embedded, and, again, taught, lack of self worth. If you're always being instructed to do things differently, eventually, you start thinking that what you choose to do on your own is wrong. See also, overthinking. What I failed to realize, for decades, was that what they thought about me did NOT have to dictate what I did, said, or accomplished. There are some bigger things I still fear, but a lot of it I have let go. 

7. Not demanding more of myself. By now, you know I wholeheartedly believe in personal responsibility. I own my shit. I have fucked up too many times to count or even write about. I just tend to take the path of least resistance, and give myself far too much lenience. I waver between "I don't like how I am; I will do this, this, and/or this to change it," to "Fuck it. Might as well be happy." But am I? Really? This is why I got rid of the tarot cards a while ago back ... My happiness is up to me. No one else. It can't be foreseen. It has to be DONE. It happens because of how I choose to do, or not do any given thing. Maybe I need a hard revisit to my whys. Why do I want this, or that, or t'other? What will it do for me? Gives me something to NOT overthink about but to consider, definitely. 

I told you I was in the writing mood. 

Now, I take my leave, and venture off to see what I can get done today. 

Happy Sunday