It's been a bit over three years now since I was last at this point. So much has changed, in terms of life, in terms of my state of mind, in terms of everything. All I have is this moment, and this moment is what I am taking advantage of.
I had a blog. I faithfully updated several times a week for a while, then it dwindled down to nothing. I deleted that blog because I'm not here to examine, and re-examine my past. I'm here because I like the process of writing, and thinking, and planning, and creating, and looking forward to what comes next.
While I haven't developed the capacity to be 100% self-appreciative, I am no longer wallowing in self-loathing. I know now that this life is 10,000% about choices. It's about knowing that everything is always working out, and we get to create the reality we want to live in. Doesn't matter what's going on anywhere else in the universe. What matters is what I choose right now, here, for me.
Again, I'm not going backwards. I know what I left back there, and the more I leave it there, the better I can be now.
As the magnificent Nina Simone put it, I am feeling GOOD!
This is where I am now:
215
I'm not necessarily proud of that number, but I also know that no matter what, I will get to where I want to be:
135
When I'm ready. When I put my mind to it, it will happen. You know, since it's just a number, that number up there, let's even go with a more random number:
127
Everything is good. What has been has been. What is, is. I'm getting ready to create my best me. It's perfectly okay to live a life where I'm not constantly reviewing the past. It's equally fine to just do me, and focus on what is important in whatever moment I'm at.
I am ready.
I am here.
Everything is working out.
I am right where I need to be.
I am happy where I am.
I am proud of the things I've accomplished.
I look forward to all the things I have yet to discover about myself, about life, about everything.
Let's do this.
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