Well, It's a Start

So, I weighed in at 216. Not my worst. Not my best. Just is what it be. 

Makes me look like this: 

This is what I do to get ready for a meeting with a client ... and hope to ALL HELL that I am NOT in the actual meeting room when I'm playing around with the filters! 

This was lunch: 

Just a salad and two lil Cloud Bread thingies. I've never been a fan of cloud bread, but my beloved found these at the store, and we tried them. I had big plans of getting things accomplished today, like boiling up some eggs, making broccoli salad, etc. That didn't happen. 

The day was full of meetings, planned, and unplanned, and me trying to focus. It didn't go so well. I did manage to put on makeup after probably WEEKS of not. I almost didn't recognize myself with full eyebrows. 

Honestly, I'm just worn the fuck out. I feel like a broken vase that was glued back together with Elmer's and then someone put water in, only to have tiny little leaks springing everywhere. I'm pretty sure that the eliminating of the carbage will help with my mindset, but it won't change extenuating circumstances. 

These lyrics kind of sum it up: 

"Oh I love it and I hate it at the same time ... 

You and I drink the poison from the same vine ..." 

Maybe it's just being wired on all the prednisone, and the albuterol, and the other medications the past two weeks ... No wonder they use OTC stuff to make meth. I am not a drug queen. I hate how it makes me feel. I already have enough self loathing for having not been able to conquer my non-drug addictions (well, nicotine is a drug ...) but you know what I mean. 

I'm just frustrated. Maybe I'm bothered that someone's top priority is not me. Maybe I'm REALLY bothered that MY top priority is not me, and that I keep waiting on anyone else to fill a void that only I can fill? 

I don't know. These are just late-night ramblings of a person who needs sleep. 

Sorry if it didn't make sense. It's hard to know what to say out loud. I spend a lot of time saying nothing. 

Tomorrow is a new day. 

xo 

Look at that - twice in one day, the girl has words.